Aphaia


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The Shed of Unspeakableness

Although I’ve now finished with the job, there are still some bizarre things that I would like to share.  Starting with the fact that during all the time I was working there no-one could explain why there was a rather large red shed plonked in the middle of the open-plan office.

The shed had maps of various parts of the UK pinned to it, and inside a Fussball table and a lot of boxes.  For the first couple of weeks I was there, it was locked – but it seems to be only lockable from the inside.  The only thing I can think of is that a demented executive lost the plot and decided to give up life within the confines of the shed.

Then it was open one day – and since there was no strange smells – I think it safe to assume that no-one had used the shed for a final resting place.

The funniest thing was that everyone I asked as to why there was a shed in the office, all acted really skittishly – just generally rather paranoid – plus they all sort of froze and twitched while they talked about it…

I wonder how many Christmas parties will end up in it… its far more innovative than a photocopier (actually maybe that is it – people have used for non-office purposes…)


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Tattooing Fruit…

Since I started the job (its in media, and thats all I’m going to refer to it as – I don’t want my ass sued) I have overheard many strange and peculiar stories being mentioned.  Whether you can tattoo a fruit?

Lets call him Joe* (*actually I have no idea who he is) announced in an extremely loud voice that for the latest project he was trying to work out whether fruit can be tattooed for prop purposes.   He wanted a melon tattooed with a word. On discussion with a tattoo artist, (a long and particularly detailed conversation) they decided that some melons might not be suitable, maybe an orange would be better.  Thankfully (what are the chances of this?) there was a greengrocers next door to the tattoo shop.  So orange procured, the tattooist began to start with the words “if the needle breaks, we are not trying again and you’re paying for it” … Guess what happened…

So this enterprising individual decided to improvise and proudly displayed to the office his solution, a courgette – sliced lengthways – with a word inked on the flesh of the veg… He triumphantly asked pretty much anyone who passed if they could read it… it wasn’t difficult.

Then one person (again no idea who she is) said that the courgette would go brown before the prop could be used.  Lemon juice would be a solution she announced, so Joe* wandered off to see if he could find a lemon…

Oh and the word that was written – atheist – why oh why would you need a courgette with the word atheist inscribed on it….?